HijiNKS Ensue

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

That man simply can do no wrong. Even if he set events in motion that caused my blood to boil, rendering the surface of my skin into thirsty, crackling blisters and prompting me to claw it away in desperate madness hoping to somehow cease the burning that has both blinded me stricken me mute from screaming until my vocal chords swelled and burst and… you get the idea. I likes me some Steve. To borrow a phrase from Dave Chappelle, “Steve Jobs could fart in my dinner.”

The point I really want to illustrate is that regardless of what offering he bestows upon us, his humble flock, we will feast upon it with mouthes agape and unparalleled enthusiasm (and saliva). He could encase a turd in brushed aluminum and we would still buy it (as long as you could get the iTurd laser etched). It would require a proprietary video format, and headphones with an uncommonly small jack, but we would laud his genious while proclaiming on message boards that his iTurds don’t stink.

I’ve already ventured my guesses as to what Tuesday will bring, but as the day grows closer rumors are flooding the tubes at an exponential rate. TUAW seems to mostly agree with my conservative predictions. MacRumors.com believes those ominous banners fortale the “Macbook Air.” To get the real scoop I suggest you sit tight until Tuesday and come keynote time you head over to Engadget’s live coverage and furiously click your F5 key for an hour or so. I also recommend reading Steve’s liveblog from right up on the keynote stage. Finally, you can also help Steve prepare for the Stevenote by making sure he doesn’t forget anything and gets to the stage on time.

No matter what revelations descend from on high Tuesday, I am comfortable (almost snuggly warm) in the knowledge that two of my most prized possessions (my Macbook Pro, and iPhone) will most likely be wrought old and busted as Steve drops the new hotness on us. Then I get to play the “should I upgrade game.” Correction. Then, Josh will buy the new iShits immediately, and I will feel guilty for being jealous. Double correction. Josh will buy a plane ticket to Cupertino, locate Steve Jobs and “make it rain” (his preferred method of payment) in Job’s lap until he forks over his own personal iPhone. Then Josh will probably forget it on the plane on the way back and buy six more at the Dallas airport. This is simply the fashion in which he rolls. I am accustomed to it. It’s like being friends with a short, gay, bald-headed Kanye West.

——————————

Just as an aside, I’ve been greatly enjoying all the discourse taking place in the comments on this site. I really appreciate each and every one of you that read this site and enjoy my silly comics. The community that is building around this site is both unexpected and fantastic. Whether or not I get to continue making comics long term relies squarely on this site’s ability to grow its readership. So if you’ve enjoyed the comics and posts, please email and friend, submit it to BoingBoing/Engadget/Gizmodo/Wired, TUAW, Stumble it, Digg it, Reddit it, post a link on your site or paint the characters on your naughty bits and stand in the middle of a busy street screaming, “FANCY PANCAKE BIRTHDAY TIME!” People will notice.

Thank you all,

Joel

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

Snap! That’s right. A balls joke. That’s how I roll. I sent you on the balls-train to balls-town. I’m not ashamed. I usually don’t work blue… BALLS, that is! Double snap! In your face. What’re you gonna do? Nothing.

Over new years we were talking about the new American Gladiators revival power hour, or whatever, and Denise (that’s the girl in the comic, who oddly enough is the first REAL girl to appear in HE) said basically what you see in panel 2 up there. I loved the idea that the cultural ambassadors of late 80’s America to nations far and wide were Nitro, Laser and Diamond. There’s something beautiful about that. I wondered if she feared getting pummeled with sand bags at an American shopping mall or being forced to climb a rope ladder then ride a zip line to get to the bus stop. It would have been 10 times awesome if the audio and video signals got scrambled in the Philippines so that they saw American Gladiators and heard C-Span.

I had NO intention of watching the new American Gladiators until I realized that it had been infused with HULK-A-MANIA. Oh, brother, let me tell you, brother, that Hulk Hogan, brother, is one lumpy pile of orange man parts. He must sleep in a tanning bed for the same reasons Dracula sleeps in a coffin. They are both kept eternally young but develop complexion problems as a result.

A few things stood out from the 20 or so minutes I saw of the episode. First off, there was SO MUCH HULK-A-MANIA, brother! They could have toned it down to a moderate Hulkitiude and I would have been fine. God he freaks me out. You want to peel him, then zest his flesh over a salad. Anyway.

Secondly… TOYOTA FUCKING GIANT SUV-A-MANIA!!! They mentioned their sponsor just a few times. One of the tests was to run across an oil slicked glass bridge while Gladiators threw trucks at you. Everyone died.

Third thing: this guy comes back 14 years after having lost on the original show only to get his ass handed to him by some kid 10 years his junior. It’s SUPER SAD if your biggest regret, the demon that haunts you and prevents you from being a well adjusted person is your American Gladiators failure in 1994. Can you imagine? He lives a decade and a half in the shadow if this wretched event knowing that he can never be given a chance to redeem himself because the show simply no longer exists. 14 freaking years late they announce a new AmGlad (that’s the abbreviation I just made up), and reopen the wound (and offer new opportunities for sucking).

Last thing. Wolfe. Wolfe looks like what would happen if Dog the Bounty Hunter, an actual wolf, the 80’s, a pickup truck and hair had a crazy 5-way hump session that somehow led one of them to crap out a baby (probably the truck). I assume he was found in the woods, rabid and starved, raised by the US Military and kept in cryo-stasis until such a time that he would be needed. That time is obviously now, brother. My favorite part is that his “real” name is Hollywood Yates. “My name is Hollywood, but you can call me Wolfe.” “My name is SuperRockandRoll but you can call me SexFactory.” “My name is RocketLauncherSpeedo but you can call me NinjaTank.” “My name is SharkJetPack but you can call me MotorcycleExplosion.” I could keep that up for hours.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

The match can be explained, but why did he have a gallon of gasoline behind the podium?

With Warner Bros. planting their flag firmly twixt Sony’s Blu-Ray buttocks, only Paramount and Universal remain married to HD DVD. I was pulling for the maroon boxes (though I refuse to commit to one or the other) because they are cheaper to produce, cheaper to buy, the players themselves are cheaper, and the tech is (sort of) better if only for the fact that the spec is finalized and the features work on every player currently being sold. If that makes no sense to you, you probably aren’t aware that the Blu-Ray spec IS NOT finalized and most of the players on the market right now will not be able to take advantage of the features on Blu-Ray discs coming out, say, tomorrow. The PS3 is the only acception, since it’s such a hoss of a machine they can continue to upgrade its features through software as Blu-Ray evolves.

CES happened this weekend, and Toshiba was going to have an HD DVD “State of the Format” press conference… until they heard about WB ditching them for blu-er pastures (I guess this means I’m rebuying all of Dawson’s Creek on Blu-Ray now). The Tosh packed up their embroidered swag bags and said, “I’m taking my maligned high definition format and GOING HOME! NYEAH!” The ONLY right thing for the HD DVD Consortium to do right now is gracefully admit defeat. Not because they are definitely going to lose (though the outlook isn’t good) but because they now have the power to end the format war and reunify the fractured consumer masses.

Josh and I were in Best Buy this weekend looking through the various next gen discs. Battlestar was on HD, as was Bladerunner. This is good news because Josh has the HD DVD Xbox add on. But LOST was in a translucent blue box. Well, god damnit, we want High Def Jack and Kate and such too! We’re not going to drop $400 for a PS3 just so we can support both competing formats (Eli did exactly that). No one cares about the studios behind the movies and shows we love. We WANT to give you Hollywood douche-tards our delicious monies. Why are you making it so hard.

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

The match can be explained, but why did he have a gallon of gasoline behind the podium?

With Warner Bros. planting their flag firmly twixt Sony’s Blu-Ray buttocks, only Paramount and Universal remain married to HD DVD. I was pulling for the maroon boxes (though I refuse to commit to one or the other) because they are cheaper to produce, cheaper to buy, the players themselves are cheaper, and the tech is (sort of) better if only for the fact that the spec is finalized and the features work on every player currently being sold. If that makes no sense to you, you probably aren’t aware that the Blu-Ray spec IS NOT finalized and most of the players on the market right now will not be able to take advantage of the features on Blu-Ray discs coming out, say, tomorrow. The PS3 is the only acception, since it’s such a hoss of a machine they can continue to upgrade its features through software as Blu-Ray evolves.

CES happened this weekend, and Toshiba was going to have an HD DVD “State of the Format” press conference… until they heard about WB ditching them for blu-er pastures (I guess this means I’m rebuying all of Dawson’s Creek on Blu-Ray now). The Tosh packed up their embroidered swag bags and said, “I’m taking my maligned high definition format and GOING HOME! NYEAH!” The ONLY right thing for the HD DVD Consortium to do right now is gracefully admit defeat. Not because they are definitely going to lose (though the outlook isn’t good) but because they now have the power to end the format war and reunify the fractured consumer masses.

Josh and I were in Best Buy this weekend looking through the various next gen discs. Battlestar was on HD, as was Bladerunner. This is good news because Josh has the HD DVD Xbox add on. But LOST was in a translucent blue box. Well, god damnit, we want High Def Jack and Kate and such too! We’re not going to drop $400 for a PS3 just so we can support both competing formats (Eli did exactly that). No one cares about the studios behind the movies and shows we love. We WANT to give you Hollywood douche-tards our delicious monies. Why are you making it so hard.

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

Punned! (not to be confused with Pwned)

It’s 2:30am. Cheap puns are all I have to offer. All the trailers for “Iron Man” make it look like the type of thing I would want to see. At first I thought Robert Downey Jr. (RDJ if you’re nasty) was a bit of bizarro casting, but that’s when I remembered that Tony Stark was a loathsome, womanizing douche-hole. So RDJ is perfect! I’m full on expecting the suit to have a coke-vac nose candy sucking attachment. A face-Hoover of sorts.

I never really read Iron Man comics. Eli read the Marvel Civil War religiously. Apparently Iron Man is the Cheney of the group. I did buy the issues where Tony “died” and his black friend took over the suit-duties and became War Machine. As soon as they resurrected Stark I lost interest. How is a brother supposed to make it in this super hero game if the white man keeps coming back from the dead to take him down. Do you remember Black-Superman or Afro-Flash? Of course not. That’s my point. Stark… like stark white. Now it’s all starting to make sense. I hate the white man so much.

So much.

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

Since the movie is actually titled “Alien vs. Predator: Requiem” I really wanted to do a “Requiem for a Dream” comic, but I already blew my wad on that reference (or was it my “stash”).

Eli actually saw this movie. I did not. There’s something about purposefully submitting to suffering that doesn’t appeal to me. It’s a self preservation thing. He was in some sort of focus group, so they passed out questionnaire cards for everyone to fill out. Judging from the questions, he was not in their target demographic.

Sample questions:

1) How fucking bad ass was this fucking alien movie and shit?
a) Super fucking bad ass
b) Re-god-damned-badass-diculous
c) LOLZ I SHITTED MY PANTZ!!!LOLZ!!101010ONE!!!TWO

2) Which part of the movie was the most awesome?
a) The explosion(s)
b) The Alien
c) The Predator
d) There were parts?
e) This was a movie?
f) Fuck yeah!
g) The (other) explosion(s)

3) If we keep making movies like this will you keep giving us money?
a) Super fucking bad ass
b) Hell(z) yeah
c) Dude, let me ask my momz…. HELLZ2THaYEAH!
d) LOLZ I SHITTED MY PANTZ!!!LOLZ!!101010ONE!!!TWO

I hope you all are enjoying 2008 thus far. My wife and I rang in the new whatever at Eli’s with cheese dip, and ribs and Pictionary. Regarding pictionary: if the clue is “Puff Daddy” and your drawing elicits the response “Smoke Father,” you should win the whole game right then and there.

Here’s a desktop of the last panel. Enjoy!

 

1600×1200

 

1920X1200 (wide)

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

Six or seven years ago my friend, Wes, would call me out of the blue and say things like, “Think Secret says Apple is going to release new flat panel iMacs,” or “Think Secret says Steve Jobs just invested 200 million in Amalgamated Black Turtle Necks.”

I would usually respond with, “It’s four-fucking-thirty in the morning! Why are you calling me, what’s a Think Secret and why should I care about Apple and their queerly user friendly computers?! Aren’t they made of wishes and candy and unicorn entrails? I like my computer cold and hard and sharp and hateful.”

This was many years before my conversion to the teachings of Steve. Even in my ignorance I knew Think Secret was some sort of player in the hardware super spy game. Dangling from a ceiling harness, lifting the microfiche off of the desk of a sleeping Steve Jobs. He would awake moment too late, press the giant red…no, white button on his desk and call for a Cupertino-wide lock down. “It must have been that dastardly double agent from Think Secret!” Steve would say as giant steel doors would slam down over the windows and exits.

Colorful novelization aside, Think Secret is no more. No one knows the real terms of the deal Apple offered the sites creator, Nick Ciarelli, but he took it and bowed out gracefully. The rumble is that it went something like:

Steve: “Stop thinking secretly about our products before we release them! The “Boom” is everthing and you are ruining my fun times!”

TS: “WTF?”

Steve:“Instead of suing you, we’ll offer to buy you out in exchange for you never writing about Apple ever ever again.”

TS: “WTF?!”

I really hope no one is calling “sell out” on this guy. Faced with the options of a crippling lawsuit from a multi billion dollar company that would leave you financially raped and ruined or a nice fat check and something cool to put on your resume, I think we ALL would take option B.

It seemed like Steve-O was on a killing spree when Fake Steve Jobs reported that same thing was being done to him. Turns out it we were all suckers and it was a big fat lie. When you can’t trust a formerly anonymous blogger who impersonates a tech-celebrity online in a mocking fashion to be completely honest all the time, you can’t trust anyone. Especially anyone who’s first name is “Fake.” And to think… I Dugg for him.

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

In closing out “ought and seven,” I wanted to give my readers (you lot) a present. This comic pretty much sums up what Christmas means to me. Family, and togetherness, Eli with beer, and Ameria, and Truthiness, and Tron, and LOL Cats and the dark side of the Force. Yep, that is exactly what Christmas means to me.

So, you’ve been good boys and girls. On to your present. Here’s the above comic in nice downloadable desktop wallpaper format. I’ve done one large 4:3 aspect and one large wide aspect. Not sure what dimensions are really popular these days but I assume most of you know how to edit an image to a desired side. So pick square-ish or retangulish and have at it. MERRY SOMETHING WHATEVER!!!

1600×1200
1920X1200 (wide)

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

“Utah Josh” or “Josh Raptor” just doesn’t sound right.

If you read the comic and you’re all, “Gwah?” proceed immediately to Qwantz.com for an explanation.
I’ve said it before, but I REALLY enjoy me some Dinosaur Comics. Thanks to Ryan North for putting up with this.

“Gwah” sounds like how a guy from Boston would say “Gwar.”

“Hey, fellas. Yah wahnna’ go see Gwah? They’re playing at a bah’ near Hahvid Yahd. We can take my cah. Friggin’ sweat.”

Share This

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

This comic happened because of this IM:

12:39:53 PM Josh: i won a mountain bike
12:40:00 PM Josh: you should come over today and help me put it together
12:40:08 PM Joel: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
12:40:12 PM Joel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
12:40:14 PM Joel: yeah
12:40:14 PM Joel: no
12:40:24 PM Josh: it was worth a shot
12:41:41 PM Joel: i suppose it will be easier to ignore after its put together

That was good. I needed to laugh. It’s cathartic. Cleansing.

Saturday night me, Wife, Josh and Eli went to a Zach Galifianakis show here in Dallas. If you aren’t familiar with Zach “Chad Farthouse” Galifianakis, check out the TubeYous and enjoy. He is a truly fantastic performer. He has sort of an Andy Kaufman quality in that he really doesn’t give a shit if you like him while he’s on stage. Anyone who’s a fan of watching people writhe in an uncomfortable situation will enjoy his comedy. Any one interested should pick up Zach’s new DVD, which is selling like the opposite of hot cakes, and The Comedians of Comedy, which also features Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn and Maria Bamford.

At one point he came out into the audience and accosted Eli (no shit) for being a trendy skater punk. I assume the jeans and beanie were enough to get him labeled as such. Eli froze when Zach put his foot up on Eli’s knee and his balls in Eli’s face. It was a Christmas miracle.

Magical.

Share This

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

I repeat, this is NOT a gaming comic. That said, here’s a comic about video games.

Josh picked up Rock Band on launch day and by 5am the following morning he was #270 on the Live leaderboard.

The following weekend I swung by to see what all the fuss was about. Josh was teeming with excitement at the chance of fulfilling his group-gaming/musical orgy fantasy. (This part is so great. Seriously, just wait for it). Let me re-emphasize his anticipation and excitement. It was palpable. So he sets up the drums and I open the mic from it’s original packaging. Guitar in hand he opens the cabinet that houses his 360 and leaves the room (for some reason). I’m holding the mic and thinking to myself, “I can scream RED RING! RED RING! or I can let events unfold naturally.” I choose the more passive path. It’s easier to drink in the ruination of a man when you know it’s coming.

A blinking red beacon, like a reverse lighthouse to hell steered Josh towards his impending anguish. The Red Ring of Death. The timing was poetic. Waves of sadness rippled in concentric rings through the floor boards at his feet. I just cracked a smile. I wouldn’t be playing Rock Band this day, but it’s not that often you get to watch someone’s spirits get deconstructed. I was sufficiently entertained.

He still blames the whole affair on me. As if my mere presence shaped the outcome of events. I contend that his “Launch Day” 360 was on borrowed time as it was and possessed its own warped sense of humor. The absolute best part was his attempt to save the situation. He runs to the bathroom and comes back producing a towel and wrapping, nay, swaddling his ailing Xbox in it. “Does it have to get its ass to Mars?” I asked.

We eventually got together and rocked out (on Josh’s NEW Xbox). The above panels are more historical record than clever conjecture. The drums particularly frustrated Eli, an actual drummer, in that the game requested beats that would be incorrect were they played on real drums.

I play both guitar and (some)drums in real life but I’m for shit when it comes to either controller in Rock Band. However, I found the whole vocal experience to be excellent. It was just an outstanding amount of fun. Being able to correct your pitch in real time with on screen feedback made it a perfect vocal tutor. I managed to pull off a 94% or so on “Welcome Home” but the Xbox actually threw beer bottles at us when we tried “Tom Sawyer.” It looked disappointed.

Share This

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

As you can see, I just can’t allow myself to leave well enough alone and enjoy a good situation.

This article over at the Giz sparked the idea. It also made me remember there is a such thing as a Nerdcore Boobie Calendar.

What’s your nerd fantasy? He-Man? She-ra? Skeletor? Discuss.

Share This

Related posts

• No related posts.

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE. You can comment here or there.

His CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer. You honestly have no idea how many times I’ve seen that movie. Let’s just say the number of times was a lot. A lot of times.

Google is definitely trying to buy part of the air or the waves or the bleep-bloops or something. Google’s open mobile handset os platform strategic initiative alliance (they should have called it GOMHOPSIA), dubbed Android, is poised to create a very attractive, very open alternative to Windows Mobile 6 (they should call it Windows Mobile Sux… are ya’ with me? Ha ha… right?) and the iPhone. One speculation is that they are bidding on the 700mhz squiggly lines because they intend to go forward WITHOUT a cell phone carrier to partner with. How rad would that be? Super rad.

I hope they don’t even charge for cell service and instead Android listens to your calls and targets ads to you based on what you talked about that day. Like if you have a 2 hour break up call with your girlfriend, Android can txt msg you with alcohol and hooker ads. If you were about to say “Super Rad,” we are on the same page.

If Google does end up building a real android, I hope it comes out more like Data than Lore. Lore was intensely clever but ultimately evil. Data played the violin and loved his cat. He wasn’t that great of a whistler but he never fed a colony to a space dwelling entity, did he? I’m sure Dr. Soong’s Christmas family newsletters were primarily full of Data related news.

The Soongs have had a blessed year. Data received another commendation from Starfleet this year. He was promoted to Commander, he mastered over 600 styles of classical painting, learned to dream, created a daughter, made sweet love to a lesbian security officer and bested evil holodeck characters on 4 separate occasions. Lore killed a planet. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

(If none of that last bit made sense, start reading here.)

Here’s the remix blank

Have fun with it and email your entries to comics(at)hijinksensue(dot)com before Monday.

I only got 1 entry for the Doug Morris comic remix. If anyone else wants to submit one, let me know and I will hold off on posting it. Here’s the blank again:

And the bonus Chainsaw Grizzly pic:

No Tags

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE. You can comment here or there.

I was first “Goatse‘d” back in the year Nineteen hundred and Ninety Nine, followed shortly by a rousing “Tubgirl‘ing.” I was in intensive care for 3 months. Another 18 months of recuperative therapy and I had almost regained my vision and ability to comprehend language. You see, my brain had simply refused to go on. “Game over, man. Game over. I quit,” says my brain. I would have taken a holiday too if I’d been in his shoes.

That was traumatic, but apparently not EXTREME enough for today’s hip internet youth. Now they have to Rickroll each other into watching some sort of girl-on-girl fecal fetish video that reminds me of the soft serve machine at The Golden Coral. What’s wrong with the youth of this internet.

Here’s me as an old man on a porch,

“In my day we showed our friends still pictures… JPEGs of men with gaping anuses. We didn’t have these online moving pictures to torture anyone with. We’d IM somebody with “Hey, check out this hottie,” then we’d send him a link to a picture of a girl in a bath wearing a stocking on her head and geysering a shit fountain into her own face. It was a simpler time.”

As far as memes go, 2 girls 1 cup is a great way to close out 2007. Let’s go ahead and put a moritorium on memes for the rest of the year. Let’s ride this one out into January, then get back together as a group and decide if we want any more. The same process that brought us Laugh Out Loud Felines, has also caused me to know what it looks like when women that have been eating shit throw up on each other. That’s unacceptable, internet. You should know better.

I guess the guy that “directed it” is in trouble. All I know is Jacky needs to talk to somebody.

Also, “2 girls, 1 cup” sounds like a great name for a lesbian coffee shop.

No Tags

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Webcomic. You can comment here or there.

Remember back when the Simpsons was funny? If you weren’t around in 1996, then you don’t. Supposing you were, remember the episode where Smithers goes on a gay cruise and Homer takes over as Mr. Burns’ assistant, then he punches Mr. Burns and Burns decides to take care of business for himself? Remember how funny it was to see someone so blinded by their own wealth and status that they had completely missed the world changing around them? He was disconnected and irrelevant, almost incapable of functioning in the modern world. Remember how that wasn’t funny at all because it was totally true and just happened for real?

(DAH DAH DAHHHHNNNNNN!)

Doug Morris is the Chairmen and CEO of Universal Music Group, the largest record company in the world. It’s safe to say that he has more than a persuasive voice when it comes to how music is distributed, and how artists are treated. According to an article in December’s WIRED magazine, Morris doesn’t know shit from shinola when it comes to the interborgz, and iPodz, and digical musics and such.

He seems to view the internet and digital distribution as something to be feared with ones eyes averted, much like a 17th century farmer faced with some sort of vengeful hoofed Goat-God. The interview reminds me of Ted Stevens when he told a room full of the most powerful people in the nation that the internet was a series of tubes. At first you’re all, “Awwwww, Grampa doesn’t understand the internet.” Then you’re all, “Holy Shit! “Grampa Tubes” is IN CHARGE of the internet!? OMGWTFINTERNET!?”

Joco had some thoughts about the story from a troubadour’s perspective. He also posted some choice quotes from the article which I will now repost (but you should still go read them on his site and buy some of his songs.)

“There’s no one in the record industry that’s a technologist,” Morris explains. “That’s a misconception writers make all the time, that the record industry missed this. They didn’t. They just didn’t know what to do. It’s like if you were suddenly asked to operate on your dog to remove his kidney. What would you do?”

Personally, I would hire a vet. But to Morris, even that wasn’t an option. “We didn’t know who to hire,” he says, becoming more agitated. “I wouldn’t be able to recognize a good technology person — anyone with a good bullshit story would have gotten past me.”

It’s not really fair to poke fun I suppose. Our kids will laugh when we’re 60 and we don’t know which button turns on the garbage disposal and which one vents plasma from the starboard nacelles.

Related posts

• No related posts.

Click to view full sized:

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE. You can comment here or there.

They’ve been talking up this OLPC (One Laptop Per Child) for over a year now. What was originally a sub $1oo computer designed specifically for the 3rd world, is now a $200 geek project box. As a toy these things are incredibly cool. Low power consumption, Linux OS, solid state drive, and mesh networking are all neat ideas but I can’t help wonder if this initiative is misplaced.

I get where the are coming from. If each child in a developing nation had a laptop, they could reach out to the world and find out just how terrible their lives really are by comparison. Maybe they could blog about unimaginable poverty and starvation. Or AIDS! They could blog about a 50% AIDS infection rate. I’m not trying to poopoo on the OLPC parade but I think its all a little idealistic. The fact that nerds are buying these to play with shows how great the separation is between “us” and “them.” We have so much money that we buy EXTRA computers that we don’t need just to play with. I bet most of the OLPCs bought by American’s this month will either end up as iTunes servers or under the NES and GENESIS in the closet. I bet the ones that make it to impoverished nations will be captured by drug lords and/or sold for food.

The hierarchy of human needs doesn’t allow for actualization during a struggle for survival. Only when survival is a relative given can we worry about bettering ourselves. I really do support what they are doing but it sounds a lot like “give all the sick children new designer sweaters! Like Bill Cosby wore!” It’s just not what they need. Potable water might be a better place to start.

On a side note, the sickliness of my clan over the holiday weekend left me with two options. No comic, or cannibalize a previous one. So there you go. Don’t look at me like that. Your eyes are like shame-daggers.

DJ Jonathan Feinstein, hit me with the remix!

Here’s the remix blank for today’s comic. Have fun with it, get creative and email the result to comics at hijinksensue.com. You can change anything you want, not just the text. Go crazy. Surprise me. Have them in before Thursday.

No Tags

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE. You can comment here or there.

You know as well as I do that it’s got nothing to do with the turkey. Its ALL about the gravy. I hope you are all happy and satisfied now that you’ve had two days to digest your meats and starches. My friend, Corn Mo, texted me with “I’m thankful for good times with friends and meats. Love Mo.” That pretty much sums up the holiday. That and gravy. Don’t forget the gravy. I prefer giblet gravy. You see, it’s not enough that I poor gravy on my meats. I want the gravy itself to contain its own reserve supply of meat parts.

Today’s illustration was inspired by a conversation I had with Josh, Eli and a few other friends at an OMGWTFBBQ restaurant a few weeks ago. It started with the revelation that Josh has h4×0red the normal gravy supply regimen at Popeye’s Chicken. Where as they would normally give him one gravy and one dipping sauce with his chicken fingers, he has perfected a script that allows him, through trickery, to forsake the dipping sauce for an additional serving of gravy. I think puppy-dog eyes and whimpering are involved.

We postulated that he should just ask for a jumbo drink cup (think 32oz or more) then demand it be filled with their finest gravies. A kingly proclamation to be sure. Then the conversation devolved into lunacy when I concocted a rediculous scenario where the Gulf Coast was decimated not by a female hurricane but instead by some sort of fanciful gravy tsunami. The only solution being to fly Josh in by emergency ROFLCOPTER with an ample supply of biscuits to “sop up” the devastation.

I think we ended it on the (very real) possibility that Josh could be convinced to do gravy shots. He emailed me the proof the next day.

“Love that gravy from Popeye’s!”

No Tags

Click for Full Size:

 

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE. You can comment here or there.

No Tags

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE. You can comment here or there.

They don’t even have Edge data.

Josh has been trying to sneak my iPhone away at every available opportunity in an attempt to navigate it’s browser over to jailbreakme.com. He’s like my mom in that he knows what’s best for me despite my own wishes. And apparently, what’s best for me is to Jailbreak my virgin iPhone.

Hardware hacking just isn’t my thing. I’m squeamish. I used to have to get Josh to come over and update my hacked Xbox dashboard. There was IRC involved. Not for the faint of heart.

I gave him the chance to sway me to his side but all he could produce as evidence of reasons to hack were various games, and… games. A sophisticated gaming platform, the iPhone is not. This certainly wasn’t enough to make me want to turn over root access to my device.

If you’ve seen the current round of iPhone ads (one if which is parodied above) you are no doubt familiar with the “Pilot” one. He’s sitting in a plane and the flight is delayed due to an approaching storm. His iPhone saves the day because he is able to check weather.com and see that the storm has moved on.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Air F-ing traffic control is going to ground a flight based on information from instruments that is NOT as sophisticated as weather.com? Worse yet, do they not have the internet?

What if the pilot had just looked up “Hurricane” on Urban Dictionary? Could he have convinced them to clear him for takeoff based on the fact that, according to UD, a hurricane is either a particular type of bong that will “roast you so quick”, a doubly potent 40 oz of malt liquor, a Bob Dylan song, or an ejaculatory endzone dance referenced in a Souljah Boy lyric. Nothing to worry about there, right?

Those with a keen eye will recognize Boxcar Pete in the wash tub up there in panel 4. He’s the stabby kind of hobo, so watch out.

No Tags

Originally published at HijiNKS ENSUE. You can comment here or there.

Somehow “The Writers Guild” evokes imagery of shadowy figures in heavy velvet cloaks gathered around mammoth stone tables to perform sacred blood rights and cast runes. This ancient band of clandestine scribes is now on strike. They’ve struck… stricken… whatever. To be fair, the studios should just agree to remove all writing from DVD’s and downloaded shows. Heroes season 2 would be unaffected. O00hhh. Burn.

Today’s comic deals with the declining quality of the television show Heroes and the merits of its “creator,” one Mr. R. Timothy Kring. I’ve decided season 1 was a fluke. Season 2 is a testament to how little this guy understands about comic books or geekery in general.

The short list:

• The only thing we wanted to know is what happened to Peter. We still don’t know.
• Amnesia is teh kop 0uts.
• Focusing on new boring characters worked so well for LOST that we should totaly do it. I hope Dora and Diego get buried alive.
• Wiping out NY was last year’s big bad. This year’s is… wiping out..oh god.
  • For instructions on how to do a new apocalypse every season, see Buffy: Seasons 1-7. Take notes.
• Mutant virus, eh? Don’t read much X-Men, huh?
• Claire’s boyfriend is a tool
• Hiro is an idiot. He was in feudal Japan about 8 episodes too long.
• Parkman’s dad is the killer? One more Hero needed Daddy issues? Seriously. Think about it for 5 seconds. Who on this show wasn’t permanently scarred by their father?

It turns out Tim Kring time traveled forward, read this post, went back in time and apologized for his transgressions. That’s certainly a different approach than we get from Lindelhof and Cuse. They are more of “Fuck off! Let me see you make a better show! Dick holes!” Where as Kring is taking the stance of “yeah, I really don’t know what I’m doing. You guys got any ideas? Where do you post your fan fics? Oh, here they are…. why are all the dudes gay?”

You can download today’s comic for your Webcomic Remixing delights here:

Have some fun with it and email your entries to comics (at) hijinksensue (dot) com.

UPDATE: I moved the remix entires here and gave them their own category.